When a couple gets engaged, it’s a cause for celebration, and it’s normal to want to know everything. However, there are plenty of innocent questions and casual comments that actually come across as really rude after someone pops the question to their partner. Here are 17 that you should avoid.
What’s The Point?
Marriage isn’t for everyone, and just like it’s bad manners to pressure people to get married, it’s also rude to criticize marriage to engaged couples. They obviously think it’s a good idea, so why rain on their parade by asking what the point is? Keep your personal preferences out of your interactions with the couple.
It’s About Time
The newly engaged couple will be over the moon to take this next step in their relationship, so it’s a big no-no to comment on how long they’ve been together. You probably don’t know all the ins and outs of their relationship, nor if they’ve previously discussed waiting to get married, so commenting on duration will come off as rude.
Are You Sure?
If one party popped the question and the other happily accepted, it’s obvious that they’re both sure about getting married. Infantilizing grown adults by making it sound like they’re unable to make important discussions about their relationship won’t go over well, especially when they’re still actively celebrating.
Is The Ring Real?
According to Inside Weddings, asking someone if their engagement ring is real is bad etiquette because it’s unnecessary and drags them into the court of public opinion. Commenting on the ring’s appearance implies that you think it looks fake, even if that’s not your intention. It’s much better to compliment the ring and move on.
When Are You Having Kids?
It’s intrusive to ask anybody when they’re children because that’s their business, but it’s even ruder to ask a newly-engaged couple. They haven’t even started planning their wedding yet, so asking about children will seem like you’re trying to rush them to the next step when they might not be ready or even want children.
When’s The Big Day?
It’s natural to be excited when someone gets engaged, but try not to get ahead of yourself. Think logically; if the couple has only just become engaged, they won’t have started thinking about wedding planning yet. Once they’re actively planning and have secured a venue, you can ask about the date.
Who Are You Inviting?
This is another innocent question that will come across as rude when the couple is newly engaged. It might also seem like you’re angling for an invite or a plus one before the guest list has even been drawn up. It’s much more polite to wait until the invitations go out before you ask who else is coming.
I Don’t Like The Ring
If somebody has accepted a proposal, chances are they’re ecstatic to show off their ring, so making a negative comment will upset them. Salon have uncovered a rise in ‘ring shaming’ groups, which dedicate themselves to criticizing engagement rings, and this behavior is just as rude in person. If it’s not to your taste, compliment and move on.
Who’s Paying For The Wedding?
We often keep money private, and that still applies to engaged couples. Poking your nose into the financial arrangements of the future bride and groom, plus their families, is impolite, especially when they probably haven’t started planning yet. Whether it’s a grand wedding or a tamer event, just enjoy attending it.
Who’s in the Wedding Party?
Some people may have fantasized about their weddings for years before getting engaged, but it’s unlikely that a newly engaged couple will have people already picked out for their wedding parties. If you ask, your curiosity could be mistaken for angling to be picked, especially if you aren’t massively close with the couple.
Start Planning Now
When someone pops the question, everyone will be thinking about the next stage: the wedding. But what’s the rush? Miss Ruby Bridal recommends making the most of the pre-planning bliss that comes with an engagement to actually enjoy it. Avoid putting pressure on the couple to start planning; they’ve got plenty of time.
It’s a Bit Soon
Just as it’s disrespectful to comment that the proposal took a long time, it’s also rude to imply that the couple hasn’t been together long enough. If the engagement seems rushed, the couple will likely figure that out by themselves, so inserting your opinions will just cause unnecessary arguments.
Plenty of Marriages End in Divorce
It’s common knowledge that plenty of marriages end in divorce, but it’s unnecessary to discuss this with a couple who are looking forward to marrying each other. Nobody can see the future, so perhaps they will end up divorced, but there’s a time and a place to discuss divorce rates, and an engagement celebration is not it.
Wedding Planning is Stressful
Anyone who’s ever planned a wedding will tell you it’s hard. Verywell Mind teaches the importance of managing wedding stress when there’s so much to do, including securing a venue, coordinating with vendors, and managing the budget. The couple will already be aware of the stress ahead of them, so don’t bring it up before they’ve even started.
I Wouldn’t Like That Proposal
When someone pops the question, they’ll have thought long and hard about how to do it. As long as the recipient is happy, there’s nothing more to be said. So, if someone is telling you their proposal story and it’s exactly the opposite of what you’d like, don’t bring that up and ruin their excitement.
I Never Thought This Would Happen
Sometimes, it’s a shock when a couple gets engaged because they’ve never shown interest in marriage, but there’s nothing to be gained by telling them that you thought their day would never come. The proposal and their happiness are real, so it’s plain bad manners to communicate your surprise.
Marriage is Overrated
Finally, never make a sweeping statement about the concept of marriage to a newly engaged couple. It’s becoming more common for couples to remain unmarried, but that isn’t for everyone. If a proposal has been accepted, the couple is engaged, and they obviously don’t think marriage is overrated, so keep that thought to yourself.
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