18 Most Common Mistakes People Make When Picking a Partner

Picking a life partner is a massive decision, and some people have to kiss more frogs than others before they find ‘the one.’ However, many people make mistakes when choosing who they want to spend their life with. For relationship success, avoid making these 18 common mistakes when picking a partner.

Not Being Friends

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Not all relationships evolve out of friendships, but being friends with your partner is integral for a healthy relationship. Lifehack recommends being friends because you won’t feel self-conscious in the relationship, you’ll understand each other’s tastes, and you’ll have fun together. Don’t make the mistake of loving but not liking each other.

Prioritizing Looks

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Physical attraction is a massive part of a successful romantic relationship. However, don’t get swept away by how someone looks because your personalities may not be compatible. Over time, your physical attraction may drop, and you’ll be left in an unsatisfying relationship. Consider both your physical and emotional priorities.

Not Discussing Children

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One of the biggest relationship deal breakers is one partner wanting children and the other not. If they choose to stay together, one of them will be giving up the future they want, which can lead to resentment. Psychologist Nicole Martinez observes that many couples inevitably break up over this disagreement, so it’s essential to have the discussion early.

Trying to ‘Fix’ Them

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When you love someone, you’ll often do anything to hold onto them. However, picking someone as your partner because you think you can ‘fix’ them is never a good idea. You’ll only put yourself through heartache trying to turn them into someone they’re not, and you’ll later regret wasting your time.

Compromising Life Plans

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Sometimes, our romantic relationships get in the way of our goals. It’s important that both partners can compromise, but if you’re the only one compromising, you’ll start to resent your partner, and the relationship will become toxic. You should discuss your major life plans when you start seriously dating and see if they match up.

Settling to Avoid Loneliness

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Being lonely is challenging, which is why many people rush to choose a partner without considering if they’re compatible or will be happy together in the long term. However, settling for a subpar relationship to avoid being alone is one of the worst things you can do because you won’t feel fulfilled, and it will make you unhappy.

Thinking That Love is Enough

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Love is one of the biggest foundations of a successful relationship, but it isn’t enough. According to BetterHelp, love won’t be enough to sustain your relationship if you’re constantly fighting, can’t communicate, and don’t want the same things in life. When choosing a partner, weigh up all their pros and cons to ensure you aren’t simply blinded by love.

Rushing to Keep Up With Friends

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As we age, it seems like everyone is reaching significant milestones in their relationships, and nobody wants to be left behind. But rushing into a relationship just for the sake of not being the only one single is a big mistake. In the time you’ll spend stuck in a dead-end relationship, you could be searching for the perfect partner.

Sacrificing Interests

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A good partner will embrace all parts of your personality and encourage you to do the things you love. If the person you’re dating expects you to sacrifice your interests to align more with their own, they won’t be a good life partner. You’ll turn into an inauthentic version of yourself and hate them for doing it to you.

Ignoring Red Flags

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There’s a reason people tell you to listen to your gut: it’s trying to tell you something you subconsciously know. Common red flags to look out for when choosing a partner include anger issues, dishonesty, unreliability, talking over you, and constant jealousy. Don’t ignore these red flags because you’ll end up in a toxic relationship.

Expecting Them to Change

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Just like you can’t fix someone, you also can’t expect them to change unless they want to. If the person you’re dating mistreats or upsets you, they’re proving they wouldn’t be a good life partner. Waiting for them to change for the better is a waste of time, especially if they’ve shown no sign of wanting to improve their behavior.

Not Ensuring You’re Compatible

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Psych Central identifies four types of romantic compatibility: physical, intellectual, spiritual, and emotional. If you race into a relationship without ensuring you’re compatible in those four ways, you’ll usually find that your ambitions, values, hobbies, and plans don’t align. Making this mistake wastes your time and may lead to settling.

Never Discussing Finances

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Arguments over money are one of the main reasons couples break up, so it’s essential to discuss finances when you start getting serious. If one partner earns a larger income, how will you split expenses? Will you open a joint bank account? How will you settle financial arguments? Not asking these questions might kill your future relationship.

Choosing Fantasy Over Reality

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When you first fall for someone, it’s normal to wear rose-colored glasses. However, when the honeymoon phase ends, the reality of the relationship might be very different. Building up a fantasy of what your partner is like can blind you to their flaws and skew your thinking when you take the next steps, like moving in together and getting married.

Trying to Please Your Family

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Although arranged marriages aren’t the norm in the US, plenty of people still pick partners to please their families. Overbearing parents live their lives through their children, including their relationships, which impacts how they view love. The person you choose should be perfect for you, not someone handpicked to make your family happy.

Believing ‘Opposites Attract’

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When people say ‘opposites attract’, they mean that people with different hobbies and personalities are often the most compatible. While this is mostly true, some people take it too far. Picking a partner with whom you have nothing in common means you’ll struggle to make plans and won’t share any mutual pastimes. This relationship won’t satisfy your wants or needs.

Picking the ‘Perfect’ Partner

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Sometimes, a potential partner might seem perfect on paper, but don’t let this skew your judgment. You need to get to know the person beyond the qualities listed on Tinder or the hobbies they publicize on social media. Don’t be swayed by their high-paying job or great dress sense if you can’t see yourself spending all your time with them.

Overlooking Long-Term Differences

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Even when the relationship is new, you should think about the future, especially if you want to settle down soon. Don’t overlook any long-term differences that present themselves, because they’ll reappear later on and inevitably break you up. Picture yourself in 2, 5, and 10 years with your partner. If you like what you see, chances are they’re the one.

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